How Can I...?

In the February 4, 2014 issue of the Toronto Star, Life Reporter Nancy J. White has penned an article entitled “Chatting with Your Inner Coach”.

She quotes Ethan Cross, lead author of a study result published in the February issue of The Journal of Personality and Social Psychology that “to think about yourself as if you were another person provides psychological space, which helps people to exert self control”….

The comments are fascinating. Some people make up a list of Pros and Cons to help them with decision making. Others appeal to friends and other trusted advisors to help them quell anxiety and see the probabilities more clearly. Visualizing the person who is stressing over an issue is helpful – if that person is me it can be a challenge to be objective!  

Sometimes just talking it through, aloud, helps me clear the air – but as Associate Professor Kross states “to talk to yourself out loud in the third person violates all sorts of social norms.”

My husband is a great mutterer-to-oneself, which is sometimes more than slightly irritating, but at least he gets the answers he’s seeking! I seem to have noticed that people who live alone also have audible conversations that may seem odd to guests but are nonetheless fulfilling. And pet owners find great consolation in discussing their issues in dogspeak or conferring with the cat!

A close friend of mine, coming up to an important 1^st Interview date, is feeling anxious. She has been gleaning and reviewing possible “interview questions” and which responses would be most appropriate.  It seems most probable that if she were to express her thoughts aloud and rehearse in the terminology of “you” – as in assisting a friend objectively, that the technique will instill the self-confidence she doesn’t yet feel.

Nancy White’s article “Chatting with Your Inner Coach” is timely and pertinent when the question we’re deliberating is How Can I…?

Change the Channel...

I heard this nifty phrase for the first time today on the CTV morning program known as Canada AM.  The application inference was more than pushing a button on the remote – its connotation referred to switching one line of thought to another! Almost like a “Time Out” indicator which we’re familiar with when someone wants to make input to a conversation.

Astute journalists and commentators, as an example, are most keenly aware of the flow of news reports and studio interviews, especially “Live” broadcasts. The everyday conversations of people everywhere can carry participants along with enthusiasm, until there’s an inadvertent slip of the lip and smiles go south. We sometimes get so caught up in the chitchat that we miss reading subtle signs of uneasiness or inappropriate thought lines, then a disconcerting jolt when the brakes jam on.

It came to mind that the phrase “Changing the Channel” might be an apt tactic for anyone who finds themselves teetering on the brink of hot water! Parents to recalcitrant children, adult children to unravelling parents, friend to friend or spouse to spouse. One accepted approach to keeping conversation alive is to redirect the focus to sidestep confrontation if the other party becomes overly anxious or upset. This strategy is a lifesaver for anyone who provides care to a loved one suffering from dementia – it’s almost like peering far ahead when driving at night – keenly alert to a possible incident!

Just as we sidestep a puddle or avoid thin ice, we can – rather than use the Mute button - hopefully circumvent discord by Changing Channels.

Tiny Bubbles…

A television commercial that’s broadcast currently depicts both youngsters and adults feeling gleeful that gossamer soap bubbles surround them and seem to dance in the air! The wide smiles are contagious – viewers cannot help but share the delight.

Pouncing on bubbles wherever they are found is great fun, regardless of age. My uncle, who recently passed away at the age of 103, was seen on video to be scooting down a waterslide slick with dish soap on the occasion of his 99^th birthday! Little children adore bath time when no-tear bubbles are mounding, as do weary ladies when a good soak is the best treat – in a deep tub!

The gay feeling that makes us giggle is effervescent –singer Don Ho once sang of “tiny bubbles, in the wine!” It’s a well-known and proven fact that laughter is the best medicine when combating health issues; Dr. Norman Cousins described the benefits in his best-selling, groundbreaking classic entitled Anatomy of an Illness. Sometimes the teensiest tickle of comic-relief can ease a serious situation – and when a giggle bubbles unexpectedly, even inappropriately, the results can be hilarious! When a book or article evokes humour, the author has achieved their intention. If we are of the ilk that people sometimes recommend we “lighten up” – a senseless comedy routine or silliness of a kitten playing may be all it takes. In the grey days of January where we’re shy on sunshine, my own little dog has taken to acrobatics and other amusing antics which are truly effective. C’mon, let’s go! 

Make your own, share with a friend, or put together a gift basket for someone who needs a lift.  I’m off to the store this afternoon to find a bubble pipe or wand – indoors or out, we can all get a giggle from tiny bubbles.

Company’s Coming….!

It seems probable that we have all heard, at one time or other, how someone flies into a full-blown tizzy of anxiety when guests are coming to visit.. It matters not who they are – getting ready can feel like a marathon we don’t want to run..

When there are extenuating circumstances such as chronic illness or a household member’s death, people feel more than willing to overlook a few dust bunnies in the corner or spots on the kitchen cupboard doors. Globs of jam on the counter or a sticky spill in the fridge are easy to remedy with a quick swipe of a damp cloth if it’s caught in time.

Caregivers, even on short-term assignments, might find it difficult to keep priorities relevant. Too much change, too much haste or being too fretful upset the “usual” way of things – to the point of tears or other displays of frustration. Helpful hints or “tips” on how to keep everything on an even keel are hard to bring to the fore when the house isn’t at its best! The proverbial big breaths, slow and easy, then set to with a reasonable expectation of completing small tasks.

Bathrooms in particular can be kept fresh and sweet with modern day cleansers, deodorizer wicks/wands/pumps, toilet bowl pucks, and by emptying wastebaskets.

Kitchens are the next priority – keep taps and sinks gleaming with a wipe down and clean up stovetop spills as soon as possible after the mishap. If you’re absolutely overwhelmed and someone asks “is there anything I can do to help?” – don’t be shy, and don’t pretend you have everything under control! Visiting family members would be glad to throw in a load of laundry or rattle up dishes in the sink!

If you know ahead of time that visitors are coming – whether for an afternoon, evening or longer visit – write out a list of “Things to do” and place it on the refrigerator door. Even though there may be a last minute flurry of setting out clean towels, rearranging a throw blanket or afghan, and even fluffing the dog’s bed!

When company’s coming they’re coming to see you, not your house!

Shake, Rattle and Roll…

Ever get that queasy feeling in your stomach when something’s gnawing but you just can’t put your finger on it? The alarm seems to ring too early to make any sense, most mornings you just want to roll over and catch a few more ZZZ’s instead of arising with enthusiasm! Feeling off-balance – yet not discernibly unwell.

Everyday stressors can be managed by changing tasks/resetting priorities; compartmentalizing things if there are too many balls are in the air, and choosing to take positive steps to alleviate the strain.

Even an office can be toxic – creating so much negativity that it takes almost all our personal energy to breath in the atmosphere. Indecision is tiring – “What to do, what to do?”  Sometimes it’s a “Should I, or shouldn’t I?”.

Only when we’ve been able to identify the burr under our saddle that’s making us feel scratchy can we find respite. I recently had a redirect to a career change, which wasn’t a good fit. Something just wasn’t jiving – my brain was not in synch and while the light bulb was on, the voltage was low. I simply couldn’t put my finger on the problem – which in turn felt problematic!

On a snowy Winter’s day I find myself, for the first time in nearly forty years, at home. The shakiness seems steadier, the rattle of indecision has been disbursed.

The niggling thoughts I couldn’t quite capture have been snared – it seems simple enough now.

Predictably, I sleep better now too!

Sometimes a committed partner just has to do what is in the best interest of the other person – especially when ill-health is part of the big picture.

Shake, Rattle, then tuck and Roll with the punches! 

Doing my “Happy Dance”

When the alarm goes off with that very annoying notification that it’s time to arise, some mornings feel like g-r-r-r instead of flinging back the blankets in anticipation of a new day at the office, home or wherever! My clock is set for 5:45 – and now that daylight saving time is in effect, darkness is emphatic both when I get up and get down.

Recently I did hit the snooze button, still half-awake – but launched in a panic after just three or four more minutes. Running on too fine a timeline!

After getting my bearings and feet under me, so to speak, flicking the hall light on was just a preliminary to the glaring halogens in the bathroom.  Face wash and teeth in that order….face wash was uneventful – but without glasses I’m not too clear – so a surprise followed.

On one side of the vanity were two tubes, each with a golden hue label – what the print reads was an unknown. One of them did feel a bit more round when I picked it up, maybe more in it than I remembered? Squeezed the gel out on the toothbrush and started to brush….. Note to self:  Put your glasses on next time.

If there was a toothache in the offing this was instantly quelled – and the taste was only accentuated by using mouth rinse.

Talk about a wake-up call – the “happy dance” than ensued wasn’t in celebration!

Navigational Aids...

Several years ago while active in the real estate profession, I dreamed it would be great fun to be able to escape for an hour or two on rare occasions –  and the means of transport would be by boat.

Never having had a boat previously, it was important to take the Power Squadron Course and earn my Pleasure Craft License. Not only was the instruction interesting, I found the scope of it all enormous! Armed with all the essentials, including binoculars – it was with some trepidation that we set forth on a maiden voyage.

One of the first challenges was to be able to read the lake charts and steer at the same time – glasses on/glasses off seemed to be the exercise. Having a good sense of direction is simply not enough. A compass, a sharp-eyed spotter and knowing the ups and downs of currents were all significant.

Today, long after the boating experiment, I learned about other navigation aids previously unknown to me.

In discussion with a representative from the Falls Prevention Program, I learned that navigation aids also exist in one’s home!

We are all familiar with the terms “water walker”, “sky walker”, “moon walker”; to name a few, but my vocabulary was increased by a new expression – “furniture walker”. And it’s not dogs, cats, other pets or babies!

When moving around the home, to avoid a fall when unsteadiness may be a concern, many people choose not to use a cane or other assistive device – and cruise their route with a hand along the back of the couch or outstretched to make contact with the next chair or table… Hence, “furniture walkers”!

A sense of direction, good eyesight, awareness and destination are all navigation aids.