Out on a Limb…

 A current T-V commercial which features a couple embracing their paid-off mortgage also includes an older woman and an adult child in the background. They join in to share a group hug – and somehow the thrill of the moment is diminished when the realization dawns that now there’s more money available, others need it!

Regardless of income, there’s always outgo that is either in or out-of-balance; and requests for a hand up can be difficult to deny. I know of a woman who is pretty in appearance but unpretty in disposition. Her disappointments must be many, for though she has recovered from a medical diagnosis and hopefully is counting her lucky stars, conversation is peppered with complaints. This habit is a deterrent for anyone, and as she seemingly has turned more fretful, even her family hasn’t appeared for a while.

Everyone has moments when we wish things could be better, it’s human nature to have more “I wants” than there are “I needs” – if a need is identifiable and actual however, sometimes adult offspring will step up and pay a few outstanding bills or cover car repairs if they are able. This past winter has played havoc with everyone’s budget, from snowploughing to utility costs!

If there is any strategizing to be implemented, in search for temporary financial respite especially, personal assets of a pleasant disposition, putting on a smile, and remembering good manners are priceless. My mother always quipped that “you get more bees with honey than with vinegar” – so turn that frown upside down if you’re out on a limb.

Playing With Fire…..

A commonly-heard expression when someone recognized that another could easily find themselves in a dangerous situation is “Watch Out!”…Ideally the warning is blurted in time to avoid accident or mishap; and the reaction is of thanks.

Mothers have an accelerated sense of awareness when it comes to the well-being of their children, regardless of age. Wives as well sound the alarm if hubby is doing something perilous. Caregivers hover, sometimes too closely, to prevent mishaps in the home; as do the children of aging parents who may not see themselves as more frail than in younger years and off-balance, perhaps due to eyesight or motor skills.

The warnings are often at increased volume than usual – which attracts attention immediately. It is our own adrenalin that creates urgency; and even when discussing a probability it takes intention to tone our voice to conversation level and not let fear seep through the illusion we’re trying to create of calmness and common sense.

Older men and women are sometimes not honest with themselves and their capabilities – some Dads for example want to show their adult sons that they’re still vital and “in shape”. Moms want to impart the knowledge they have garnered over the years and may be so emphatic they cannot accept there may be other ways of accomplishing a task.

In the still of the night, either from apprehension or regret, counting the “what ifs” is gut wrenching. Having very nearly mismanaged my concerns for someone’s safety, I took my fretfulness to bed and tried to sleep on it. This morning I recognized that fear is the motivator which makes us cry out a warning or shout imperiously when someone is playing with fire…

Change the Channel...

I heard this nifty phrase for the first time today on the CTV morning program known as Canada AM.  The application inference was more than pushing a button on the remote – its connotation referred to switching one line of thought to another! Almost like a “Time Out” indicator which we’re familiar with when someone wants to make input to a conversation.

Astute journalists and commentators, as an example, are most keenly aware of the flow of news reports and studio interviews, especially “Live” broadcasts. The everyday conversations of people everywhere can carry participants along with enthusiasm, until there’s an inadvertent slip of the lip and smiles go south. We sometimes get so caught up in the chitchat that we miss reading subtle signs of uneasiness or inappropriate thought lines, then a disconcerting jolt when the brakes jam on.

It came to mind that the phrase “Changing the Channel” might be an apt tactic for anyone who finds themselves teetering on the brink of hot water! Parents to recalcitrant children, adult children to unravelling parents, friend to friend or spouse to spouse. One accepted approach to keeping conversation alive is to redirect the focus to sidestep confrontation if the other party becomes overly anxious or upset. This strategy is a lifesaver for anyone who provides care to a loved one suffering from dementia – it’s almost like peering far ahead when driving at night – keenly alert to a possible incident!

Just as we sidestep a puddle or avoid thin ice, we can – rather than use the Mute button - hopefully circumvent discord by Changing Channels.

Shake, Rattle and Roll…

Ever get that queasy feeling in your stomach when something’s gnawing but you just can’t put your finger on it? The alarm seems to ring too early to make any sense, most mornings you just want to roll over and catch a few more ZZZ’s instead of arising with enthusiasm! Feeling off-balance – yet not discernibly unwell.

Everyday stressors can be managed by changing tasks/resetting priorities; compartmentalizing things if there are too many balls are in the air, and choosing to take positive steps to alleviate the strain.

Even an office can be toxic – creating so much negativity that it takes almost all our personal energy to breath in the atmosphere. Indecision is tiring – “What to do, what to do?”  Sometimes it’s a “Should I, or shouldn’t I?”.

Only when we’ve been able to identify the burr under our saddle that’s making us feel scratchy can we find respite. I recently had a redirect to a career change, which wasn’t a good fit. Something just wasn’t jiving – my brain was not in synch and while the light bulb was on, the voltage was low. I simply couldn’t put my finger on the problem – which in turn felt problematic!

On a snowy Winter’s day I find myself, for the first time in nearly forty years, at home. The shakiness seems steadier, the rattle of indecision has been disbursed.

The niggling thoughts I couldn’t quite capture have been snared – it seems simple enough now.

Predictably, I sleep better now too!

Sometimes a committed partner just has to do what is in the best interest of the other person – especially when ill-health is part of the big picture.

Shake, Rattle, then tuck and Roll with the punches! 

Romancing the Stone….

It’s seldom that I watch television, and likely can count on the fingers of one hand the number of times I’ve seen daytime T-V unless ailing on the couch with the snuffles!

At present however, I’m seated in a dentist’s office awaiting my hubby. The big-screen television has a show airing called The Doctors, and material content is fascinating. There’s a warning about “explicitness” which might upset viewers.

So far in one episode I’ve learned about several life threatening afflictions and some conditions which affect a couples’ sex life! Such as hip inflammation caused by tissue tears or joint irritation and malfunction that is relieved with orthopedic surgery.

Sexual dysfunction between couples is more common than not – and glossy magazines with covers promising tidbits to improve the situation are eagerly snatched off the racks!

Some folks resort to a retreat – for counselling. I haven’t yet had a chance to view the 2012 movie entitled Hope Springs starring Meryl Streep. The trailer clips are hilarious – especially one scene in a restaurant where the server calls for a show of hands from anyone who’s not indulging any more. There’s a sea of upraised arms!

Even if you’re feeling hard and as chilled as granite, find some giggles everyday – romancing the stone can be heart warming!

According to the Straw Man……

(photo courtesy of Kenny Francis)

We’ve all heard stories of mid-life crises – both men and women have been known to self-inflict too many “what ifs” and “if only” thoughts that can feel anguishing. Stories number too many and impactful results are sometimes hard to overcome, including financial repercussions.

In the August 2, 2013 issue of the Toronto Star, columnist Carol Goar penned an article entitled Retirement choice is paramount for an aging population. She writes that “The notion of retiring at an arbitrary age – usually between 60 and 65 – is out of step with the needs and wishes of older Canadians” as stated by university economists Marcel Boyer and Sebastien Boyer. Hooray!!

The article also goes on to say that “to uphold living standards, forestall skill shortages and give older workers the flexibility they want, Canada will need policies that encourage people to upgrade their skills through their careers, take on new challenges in mid-life and curtail their hours of employment as their energy and mental acuity wanes”. Hooray!

Some of us feel that we don’t want to just put in time; we want to strive and live life to the fullest.

For me personally, the anticipation of future achievements counters the famous song lyrics from the Wizard of Oz -

          I would not be just a nuffin'
            My head all full of stuffin'
            My heart all full of pain
            I would dance and be merry
            Life would be a ding-a-derry
            If I only had a brain

…according to The Straw Man

On The Run...

I recently saw a posting on www.facebook.com™ of a woman who decided to take up running as a hobby within the past few years. This gal has made new friends and effectively has found her stride in a new lifestyle. Her post noted that she had signed up for her first marathon. 

I was thinking about how she has effectively set her sites on accomplishing a task that may not have been in the scheme of things just a few years ago. When raising a family, mothers are often the “go-to” person, especially if we were raised in a traditional 1950-60’s household where “Mom was the heart of the home and Dad was the head”. 

In a different season of adult life, there’s often a shift to thoughtfulness about making or taking more time for ourselves. An empty-nest seems to create a void that must be filled now that daily tasks and responsibilities may be reduced. 

It happens too often that ill health or other concerns come into one’s sphere, perhaps parents or spouse on one hand, and our children on the other. Any flicker of resentment is quelled then as we step again into the shoes of responsibility. Mine fit too comfortably – in fact I seldom take them off! 

If your shoes are run down at the heels, need to be buffed up, and sole savers applied, maybe it can be refreshing to take a different point of view. I realized with a wide smile that the now-single lady with a new lifestyle has just switched her footwear!  

When there seem to be still too few hours in the day and the list of Things to Do seems longer, I’m  now wearing imaginary spandex, layered tops under a sweatshirt, and sturdy shoes to both feel the part and perform the task of being “on the run”.

 

When The Going Gets Tough...

I think it’s probable that we have all found ourselves in the disconcerting situation where a friend or relative is faced with bereavement, job loss, divorce, or illness – to name just a few identified major life stressors.

We are usually quick to say “what can I do to help”, or, “if there’s anything you need, call me”. Even the most generous hearts and minds can feel stymied when it comes to stepping forward, perhaps with a hand up or a hand out. It’s sometimes awkward to find the right words, or worse – trepidation about saying something that will sit inappropriately.

If the response is stilted, it’s easier to back away rather than hold fast in our offer – probably the recipient of our goodwill is just as uncertain as we are! I love and treasure the sensitivity of this quote by Martin Luther King, Jr…

”The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy.”

Regardless of our personal opinions or convictions on disputable subjects, striving to retain our integrity and strength of character by not making unsolicited comments will always hold us in good stead. In this unrelenting world of work, busyness, socializing and family, it’s easy to get caught up in our own activities.

When you hear of someone who is struggling through mire, telephone or write a note and follow through.

Imagine how thrilled the recipient will feel when the going gets tough!

Seeking Validation...

I recently viewed on TVO the classic 1987 movie “Moonstruck” which starred Cher and Olympia Dukakis, to name just a few. A favourite quote for me was when Rose (Olympia D.) spoke directly to her philandering husband, Cosmo -

“I just want you to know no matter what you do, you're gonna die, just like everybody else.”

Each different chapter of our life spans offers new experiences and opportunities for both growth of character and acquiring increased knowledge.I think that if we stall out it’s because we have chosen to, either subconsciously or consciously. Retiring from life and living is not age-dependent. Conversely, running from the inevitable is fruitless, and acting out or dressing inappropriately is attention seeking.

In the March 14, 2013 issue of the Toronto Star, columnist Bill Taylor has penned a great and truly appropriate read. Thanks for permission to include an excerpt.

            “I am officially an Old Person.

            It’s “official” because I have just turned 65 and qualify for Old Age Security — “the        cornerstone of Canada’s retirement income system ... provides you with a modest pension,” says Service Canada.

            But let’s just call it OAS, shall we? Let’s not rub my nose in the undisputed fact that I’m on a steadily steepening ski slope and I’ve lost my poles.

            That doesn’t mean I’ve lost my balance”.

When our hair colour is naturally silvered and our skin and/or body tone is not as firm or clear, we are not diminished, nor does it does not lessen the value we bring to others! 

Whoever we are, or wherever we may be, eliminate from your recommended list of daily “health supplements” the words “Seeking Validation”.

“Pitter-patter, let’s get at ‘er”…

In early spring when we’re either deluged with rain or buffeted by wind and snow, it still feels like the waiting time will be long for better weather! Even the old adage “April showers bring May flowers” isn’t much consolation when it’s grey!

My high school motto was “carpe diem” – otherwise understood as seize the day; it’s a perfect lead-in to sunshine and flower time! If you’ve been toying with thoughts of make some lifestyle changes it can be an excellent exercise to review, refresh and ratify your ideas.  

Hand print a single idea on an old-fashioned recipe card (if you have any) or on a piece of stiff paper. You’ll need one card for each idea, each cut to the same size. It’s unlikely you’ll have enough to shuffle together, nonetheless, arrange them face up on a surface where you won’t have to disturb them. Over the next few days, arrange and rearrange the cards until you have them in a step by step order or priority. Voila – your plan now has form and substance!

If you’re thinking of downsizing, for example, make up cards for:

1)  Clear bedroom closet

2)    Clear other closets

                                  Set aside what you don’t want, need or use anymore.

3)    Get some packing boxes from grocery store, liquor store,

 UPS or FedEx stores.

4)   Service club or churches

                     Is there a winter coats/boots or other clothing collection services?

5)  Workshop

                          Too many tools or equipment? Sort and set aside, give away

6)  Garage

7) China Cabinet

                    If you aren’t entertaining on a large scale keep only what you use

8) Good china/dishes

                        

9)     Furniture & Linens

                   Consignment shops, new and used stores or Habitat for Humanity,Salvation Army,                   other family households, neighbours

These are just a few of many ideas you’ll come up with.

“Pitter-patter, let’s get at ‘er”…

                        

Creating a Dream Catcher...

Throughout the ages, people everywhere have embraced the beliefs of many aboriginal nations whose imageries and rituals feel meaningful in this world where life at full-speed, can feel demanding and unrelenting.

It can feel difficult to make sense of the challenges we may encounter and how to continue on our way, whomever we are and wherever we may live. Symbolism can be seen swinging from the rear-view mirror often – in the form of medals, rosaries, furry dice, and dream catchers, to name just a few.

The true Native American tradition and authenticity of hand-crafted dream catchers evolved into popular modern day use over the past two decades as decorator items in one’s home – with the original interpretations skewed. Nonetheless, creating one’s own dream catcher with personal symbols can be a meaningful representation of one’s own dreams in real life. Still hanging at home is my personal version- which includes a baby tooth from my husband, a replica of a canoe depicting camping excursions, a shiny ore nugget from Sudbury, a family signet ring and a smoothed “medicine stone”

Several years ago when illness brought unwelcome events to my home, two unsolicited packages received by mail each contained a small dream catcher – the significance was appreciable!

Our hopes for the future, business intentions, and personal aspirations can all be visualized in the form of a dream catcher – see the good being retained and the undesired aspects filtering through the web ties and gone forever.

Instead of counting sheep or other symbols when sleep eludes, create your own dream catcher!

On a Teeter-Totter…..

As a young child I was always apprehensive about clambering onto one end of the teeter-totter in the playground nearby. Somehow I felt almost certain that when my end was “up” whoever was on the other side keeping balance would leap off and I would come crashing down with an unseemly thud.

In retrospect, it seems that two of the most difficult challenges in daily living are giving our trust, and staying balanced! When writing autographs in classmates’ books was a popular fad, one phrase that was penned in mine read “Love your friends and love them well, but to your friends no secrets tell, for if your friend becomes your foe, your secrets everyone will know”! More than 50 years later it feels appropriate – though I may have missed out on some gal-pal confidences! Our gut instinct seldom lets us down if we listen to our intuition and place our trust appropriately.

Staying balanced is a state of flux….particularly in the situation where the ”baby boomer” age group may be sandwiched between raising a family and caring for or being responsible for an aging parent or parents.

Regardless of how old or young one’s children are, they are still “our children”. It can sometimes feel like our aging parents may hover too closely or speak their mind too often for our liking -  we must remember that we are their children. And the time does come when roles are reversed, we become the caregivers and protectors of them as well as our own family members.

In June of 2012, tightrope walker Nik Wallenda accomplished a formidable challenge by crossing Niagara Falls on a cable stretched high above the churning gorge. Still breezes buffeted him and many observers feared for his safety.  Nonetheless, by focusing on the job at hand and not hesitating, the feat was accomplished!

Since that time, when I am  faced with the struggle of Staying Balanced, I erase the teeter-totter scenario and trust myself on the high wire.

Rocking Chair...

Perhaps you’re in it, or thinking of trying the lifestyle! The famous lyrics by Louis Armstrong may be familiar, or somewhat. Each and every one of us can conjure up a vision or impression of a rocking chair…who uses it and what does it look like?

Traditional perceptions of stooped grandmothers and grandfathers are totally out of date – the likelihood of a zooming cyclist, power walker or marathon runner may be more apt now!

When I was a young girl a Grandmother might often be seen wearing cardigan sweaters, clumpy shoes and long full skirts, pin curled hairstyle and no makeup.

Nowadays the profiles are much different – jogging suits, yoga mats, laptops or i-pads™ and a view to the future.

Even men and women who aren’t able to walk or run due to health issues may be seen astride snowmobiles, all terrain vehicles or personal watercraft! 

A woman I know is planning a short mini-vacation this Spring to an Ontario Provincial Park destination she and her husband have always wanted to visit. There are several boardwalks wending through the bogs, wetlands and other scenery – which at first consideration seemed unsuitable. Lo and behold, all-terrain wheelchair rentals are available on-site for use on one designated trail! The prospect is dizzying and opportune!

Our “best-before” date has not yet come and past – there’s no expiry on pleasurable activities and travel destinations also cater to special needs if required. 

Singles, couples, groups or similarly-interested hobbyists can easily dream what may well have been nearly-impossible just a generation ago! I read an article recently in the Toronto Star about a young couple who set out in 2012 to make a list of 365 things they had never done – and accomplish that list by December 31st. It sounded both daunting and exciting.

Make your own list of things you’ve never done and want to do, the timeframe is what you choose – rise up out of that rocking chair and grab a pad and pencil!